These past few months have been a whirlwind. Which is why I haven't posted anything on here. I kept thinking about it, but it just never happened. I hate the way that sounds because I never meant to neglected my blog, but unfortunately it happened.
In the beginning of October, I got into a car accident. Thankful everyone involved ended up being ok. But it totaled my car. The car that I have been driving my whole life. It actually hurt to see it go. For the next month, I was borrowing a car, researching cars, test driving cars and trying to figure out the financial piece of replacing my car. On top of all that, I was dealing with the emotional fear I had after the accident. I was afraid to get behind the wheel again. I had flashbacks of the accident as I was trying to fall asleep at night. I had dreams of worse accidents happening. I became the 26 year old driving like an 80 year old. I was so jumpy that any time a car made a sudden movement, I was easily startled.
For what seemed like an eternity, my dad and I finally decided on the best car for me. Unfortunately, that was the easy part. The whole process was a nightmare. Just about everything that could go wrong did. At every stage of the process, we seemed we hit a wall. And actually over 2 months later, the process still isn't over. It still terrifies me how one little mistake can rock your whole world, and not in a good way. Emotionally, I am much better as more time has pasted. I had no choice but to face my fears since I drive 30 miles for work everyday.
I try to remind myself regularly that I am grateful to God that everyone was ok and that we have insurance. Even though this process has been a hassle to say the least, I try my best to find the positives.
Speaking of positivity,
From the beginning, I wanted this blog to be a positive place, a place to share quotes, bible verse and my experiences and hope that others know they are not alone. To share my creativity and passions with others.
But honestly, I have really been struggling with all of that lately. Granted, I have always struggled with being positive. It is something I am continually working on. And I thought maybe doing this blog would help me accomplish that as well as sharing some positivity to others who need it.
This time of year is difficult for me and my family. This year was the 10 year anniversary of my brothers death. He died in the beginning of November. Right before Thanksgiving and Christmas. Since then the holidays have pretty much sucked. Unfortunately, this year seemed to be particularly bad.
I felt like I was in a daze. Like I was aware everything was happening around me but I felt disconnected to it somehow. It never really felt like Christmas, even though I knew logically it was coming. And by the time Christmas came, I just wanted to get it over with. I tried to get into it - remembering to celebrate God's gift to us with His son. But it still never seemed to click.
Now that Christmas is over, I still have mixed emotions. For the past 10 years, I have been so desperate to enjoy Christmas, but it rarely seems to happen. And it hurts to be even more disconnected than before. And honestly, I am struggling to see the joy in the New Year. But that is a completely different story...
I feel like I could go on and on but I will save that for another post. Before I end this, I will share a Bible verse that I try to cling to.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
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