End of the Year Update

These past few months have been a whirlwind. Which is why I haven't posted anything on here. I kept thinking about it, but it just never happened. I hate the way that sounds because I never meant to neglected my blog, but unfortunately it happened. 

In the beginning of October, I got into a car accident. Thankful everyone involved ended up being ok. But it totaled my car. The car that I have been driving my whole life. It actually hurt to see it go. For the next month, I was borrowing a car, researching cars, test driving cars and trying to figure out the financial piece of replacing my car. On top of all that, I was dealing with the emotional fear I had after the accident. I was afraid to get behind the wheel again. I had flashbacks of the accident as I was trying to fall asleep at night. I had dreams of worse accidents happening. I became the 26 year old driving like an 80 year old. I was so jumpy that any time a car made a sudden movement, I was easily startled. 

For what seemed like an eternity, my dad and I finally decided on the best car for me. Unfortunately, that was the easy part. The whole process was a nightmare. Just about everything that could go wrong did. At every stage of the process, we seemed we hit a wall. And actually over 2 months later, the process still isn't over. It still terrifies me how one little mistake can rock your whole world, and not in a good way. Emotionally, I am much better as more time has pasted. I had no choice but to face my fears since I drive 30 miles for work everyday. 

I try to remind myself regularly that I am grateful to God that everyone was ok and that we have insurance. Even though this process has been a hassle to say the least, I try my best to find the positives. 


Speaking of positivity,


From the beginning, I wanted this blog to be a positive place, a place to share quotes, bible verse and my experiences and hope that others know they are not alone. To share my creativity and passions with others.

But honestly, I have really been struggling with all of that lately. Granted, I have always struggled with being positive. It is something I am continually working on. And I thought maybe doing this blog would help me accomplish that as well as sharing some positivity to others who need it.

This time of year is difficult for me and my family. This year was the 10 year anniversary of my brothers death. He died in the beginning of November. Right before Thanksgiving and Christmas. Since then the holidays have pretty much sucked. Unfortunately, this year seemed to be particularly bad.

I felt like I was in a daze. Like I was aware everything was happening around me but I felt disconnected to it somehow. It never really felt like Christmas, even though I knew logically it was coming. And by the time Christmas came, I just wanted to get it over with. I tried to get into it -  remembering to celebrate God's gift to us with His son. But it still never seemed to click. 

Now that Christmas is over, I still have mixed emotions. For the past 10 years, I have been so desperate to enjoy Christmas, but it rarely seems to happen. And it hurts to be even more disconnected than before. And honestly, I am struggling to see the joy in the New Year. But that is a completely different story...


I feel like I could go on and on but I will save that for another post. Before I end this, I will share a Bible verse that I try to cling to.


"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Always Remember You Are Loved

Recently, I was reminded of some issues and insecurities that I have struggled with for years. It is not like I just discovered them for the first time, but they became much more noticeable and moved to the front of my brain. 

I learned somewhere along the line in my life that I never felt good enough. I took criticism to personally and felt that anytime something was pointed out about me, it was "wrong". Equaling that I was never enough. 

Never what someone else wanted me to be

Never completed a task the way something else thought I should

Never measured up to the expectations that my parents put on me

Never looked the way someone wanted me to look

As time went on, I began to internalize these, well... lies. Let's call them what they are.
I kept how I felt inside because I always felt when I expressed my feelings, they were incorrect. It slowly began to harden me. And instead of making me want to try harder, it made me want to give up instead. 

About a week ago, I remembered this author that I love. Her name is Holley Gerth. I could write a whole post about her books(and I probably will some day).


Holley has a way with words. Which is obviously important as an author. But she always seems to "hit the nail on the head". She is honest and encouraging. She is so insightful and knows exactly how to say something and make it stay with you.


I am currently rereading You're Loved No Matter What ( and I know I will be reading again many times throughout my life). 

It is amazing how reading a couple pages lifts my mood and puts things into perspective. Below is something that I had to write down and continually remind myself of. I hope it reminds you of how wonderful God made you.


"Stop apologizing for who you are

Stop trying to downplay your gifts

Stop trying to minimize your successes

Stop trying to skim over your strengths with "oh, that was nothing" - It was not nothing.

It was the spark of God within you

It was what He created you to be, shining bright

It was what He called you to, coming forth into the world

Don't listen to the whiners, the discouragers, the critics, the good-in-your-life-makes-me-feel-bad crowd

You have nothing to be sorry for

Those things aren't a reason for an apology-they're reasons for gratitude, celebration and praise

Hold your head high, keep that joy in your heart. Let your light shine

It's the proper response to what God has done (and is doing through you)

And if anyone tells you to tone it down- they can take it up with Him"


I could go on and on about how wonderful Holley's books are, but sleep is calling my name. I decided recently to make more of an effort to erase these lies that I believe about myself. These lies are not from God -  they are from the devil. And he is not worth my time. EVER.

Holley's book is helping me move forward in abolishing these lies. I HIGHLY recommend any of her books to you.


Please remember -  God created you the way you are for a reason. Trying to change that is like  telling him He made a mistake when He created you. God doesn't make mistakes. And He loves you now and forever.


Disclaimer #1: Holley is a working servant to Jesus Christ. She is using her gifts and talents to sent God's truth to others. Even though her books are amazing, they do not replace God's Word. Reading the Bible is the best way to discover God's truth and love.


Disclaimer #2 :  I was not contacted by Holley or her team to write about this. These thoughts and opinions are my own. 

Let go of your shame.

This past week I started a new women's Bible study at my church. It is called Unashamed by Christine Caine.

The study talks about how everyone feels shame, but especially women. We feel shame from things we have done in our past, bad choices we have made, things other people have done to us. And we allow those things and circumstances to define who we are. We label ourselves "unworthy", "unlovable", or "not enough". 

We fail to remember how God see us.

That we are loved. We are His child. Even though we are flawed and sinful, there is nothing we can do that would make Him stop loving us. 

It really made me think while watching Christine speak, how easy it is for us to believe the lies others tell us or the lies we tell ourselves than to believe what truth God says about us. And I still wonder why that is. It seems so backwards.

One women at my table shared a conversation she had with a friend. She was upset and putting herself down when her friend stopped her. Her friend said, "Would you let someone else say those things about you? Then why do you say them about yourself?"

It was really eye opening how easy it is for us to believe these lies we are telling ourselves.

Christine kept talking about our "who" and our "do". What you "do" does not define "who" you are. They are completely separate categories. Your identity in Christ is the one and only opinion that matters.

This is something I have struggles with myself. I have and still do believe that I am not enough for people. I never seem to measure up. I feel unlovable because of struggles I am still going through. I have thought many times "what guy would want to be with me?". I know how God feels about me, but I need to learn to constantly remind myself of it and believe it.

Disclaimer: I was not contacted by Christine or her team to talk about this. This is my own experience and I wanted to share.

"You will begin to heal when you let go of past hurts, forgive those who have wronged you and learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes."-Unknown

Hello! It has been a while... I stopped posted on here two years ago because it become too stressful for me. But lately, I have been feeling like starting it back up again. But in a much different way. Before, I was posting mostly DIY tutorials, outfit of the days (OOTD) and a nail polish post here and there. I may still do those things, but I have it on my heart to write about my experiences. To hopefully bring positivity to others, help someone through a similar situation and overall just to get things off my chest. I have also been wanting to get my Etsy up and running again. I hope to include some of the items I sell as well. A lot has changed in two years, with myself and the world. I hope to make people think, relate and understand different aspects and perspectives. I am a Christ follower and I plan to include such feelings and beliefs in my posts. I plan to state my opinion and not offend others. I hope people read with an open mind and not a defensive spirit. You don't have to believe what I do or have the same opinions. But we all deserve respect and I hope whoever reads my posts will remember that.


I am just human being trying to navigate this world and follow God's purpose for my life.
I hope you come along for the ride!

Etsy Store

All scarfs and hats $10 off on my etsy store!

Come check it out!  www.etsy.com/shop/smantey

Cat Graphic Tank Top

Supplies:

Tank top or T-shirt

Acrylic Paint

Paint Brush

X-Acto knife

Flash Cards

Piece of Cardboard

1. Draw your design on a flash card and use the x-acto knife of cut it out. (cutting out multiple stencils it helpful)

2. Place the piece of cardboard inside the shirt to prevent the paint from bleeding through.

3. Paint in your design. I noticed painting from the outside in was easiest.

4. Remove stencil

5. Repeat until desired amount.

Enjoy!!